Good morning… while some of you may have been up for several hours now, I have just woken up and it is noon. I had a late night lastnight and slept until I had a phone call that I had to take. So, I hope that this entry is gramatically correct and what I try to say actually makes sense.
I had told somebody yesterday that sleep is the biological reset button. Not just that it recharges our batteries, but it gives our minds the rest needed to make big decisions and even time to allow emotions to dispell. Have you ever gone to sleep feeling extremely emotional about an issue and the next day you wake up on the other end of the spectrum? I’m an extremely emotional guy, something I was complaining to God about yesterday, and have found sleep to be my greatest solace when I’m feeling down.
All day yesterday I was feeling a little bit emotional about Peru. It was just a pang in my chest. There was a sense that something wasn’t quite put together, that I was missing something. It was because I was thinking about what I was giving up to go to Peru. About a year ago I would not have cared what I left behind, but now I am worried about my great friendships, specifically one new strong friendship. I have so much love and time pent up into this friendship and I fear I’ll loose it. This relationship has changed me in such a way I would never had recognized a few months back, and the importance to me to retain that is extremely high.
When God first called me on to this project this was the main reason I didn’t want to go. But, I heard Him tell me that I was being selffish. I know that He is calling me from my comfort and is asking me to sacrafice something to come to Him. I am sitting here and I’m telling myself… HELLO! This is the God who died for you… He sacraficed for you. Who knew that sacrafice was so heart breaking?
So, on my ride home I was thinking about why I was so emotional. I realized that it’s because I haven’t fully placed all of this into God’s hands yet. I started praying telling God that I would place this over to Him and fully sacrafice this feeling of need for this friendship in His hands. The way the Lord has provided this friend I know that it will not dwindle and expire in the wind. I just have to remember that that was the price of this trip. This is my sacrafice… not an inconveniency.
I would ask that you pray that the Lord comforts me in this time. Pray that I remember that the Lord is in control over everything, even my relationships, and this sacrafice will only bring blessings. I am broken… what a better place to be with the Lord. He will help me through. I just give it up…