Want Want Want

I just posted a few days ago, and I was going to hold this post for another time, but I think I need your prayers now… so I´ll post it now.  I’m writing and backspacing what I’m writing here because I want to choose my words carefully.  I’ve not always been the most humble of people.  To be quite honest, sometimes I can be vain.  It’s probably just growing up, but I’m learning that some of the crap I used to worry about doesn’t matter (i.e. how I look in pictures, the compliments people give me, etc.)  I’m coming to realize those things give me a temporary thrill and then quickly fade… and the hole then quenches further confirmation of self.  It’s exhausting, and my only confirmation I need comes from God. 

All of that to say, I’m a really talented guy.  It’s a shocking statement for me to look at too.  Maybe I’m not as talented as I think I am though, maybe all these people have been lying to me all these years.  But, what I’ve been told is I’m talented.  I: sing, play music, write music, write story ditties here and there, draw, cook, design, learn languages quickly.  Basically, that all falls within the art realm, so we could say… ART and everything therein.  Why am I telling you I’m talented?  Do I need to learn more humility? 

I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with my life.  Some people feel they have a blank canvas of abilities and don’t have anything to choose from, it’s just as hard having a splatter paint art piece and trying to figure out what to let your eye focus on.  Satan really likes to play with me here.  Our insecurities are his playground. 

Recently, I’ve found myself painfully wishing or perhaps desiring to build on one of these talents.  That’s fine!  I’ll go through periods where I love to draw and others when I’d rather do other things.  The problem is how it turns into covetous attitudes.  It’s an ugly feeling.  I hate it.  I love photography, I don’t have the camera I need yet to practice and get better, maybe something I’ll have to wait to get in the States, but I just saw some pictures online that were gorgeous and I had that deep-set pang in my heart.  I wanted that.  Not the pictures, but the ability.  The ability to capture that beauty.  It´s fine wanting to take beautiful pictures, but this strong compulsion is really messing with my focus. 

Satan is doing a good job of picking out my past dreams and aspirations and placing them in my mind as what I want right now.  I can’t afford having this when I’m about to set out on the true purpose for my being in Peru.  I can’t start out like this.  I want to take beautiful pictures here and write beautiful songs about this experience, but not to the point of self-glorification.  Do you understand?  I feel like this has been hard to explain.  I need your prayers.  I want to be able to use these gifts, rather for my glory for His.  My glory can never quench my thirst, but His glory will satisfy. 

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “Want Want Want

  1. Hey Trevor! First off I want to say that I am proud of you for having the guts to travel to a foreign country and do what you are doing, many, nah most wouldn’t have ever thought about doing so. I know what you mean about being able to do many things “well” but in my case I haven’t seem any of them as talents b/c I do them well not great..but that’s my own issues..lol…but being able to do several things means that when God calls me to use those talents it’s for different reasons/times/places. Right now the devil is trying to use these feelings/wants of doing one thing at a certain time for his agenda, trying to hide the plans of God. the devil is trying to take your talents and make them perverse. when you use your talents don’t think about anything other than what you are doing at that moment, not who’s watching, going to see, etc. be in the moment thankful always to God. here’s the good news, even though you are being tested, you are on the right path, doing God’s glory. the devil goes after the ones who will/ are doing the most damage to him, he’s AFRAID of YOU! continue to seek God’s will, and He will provide a way! tell the devil to take a hike..be gone devil, you have no place here! you have me prayers, God Bless <3 <>< Jamie

  2. Hey Trevor. I will be praying for you that God puts what He wants you to do with your life right in front of you. I know a lot of the body if Christ are in a training period while waiting on God to show us our next step. So don’t be discouraged. Keep doing what your doing and God will show you what your next step is. God Bless and we always pray for you! Love ya bro!! ~Jelly

  3. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

    -Baz Luhrmann, Always Wear Sunscreen

  4. I understand that desire to build on the talents you already have…I have a feeling all artists experience this desire when they witness someone else’s abilities. And I agree with Jamie…because you once said the same thing to me…Satan is attacking you because you’re a threat to him. Keep doing what you’re doing and understand that God’s given you the abilities and talents you have to glorify Him. Using those talents IS a way of glorifying Him; expounding on those talents DOES glorify Him. Where self-glorification comes in is your heart…how you receive the praise from others and dwell in it rather than turn it upon Him. I will be praying for God’s grace and mercy to be lavished upon you so that in using your talents, you ultimately praise, worship, and glorify Him! take pictures and write songs about your experiences… 🙂

  5. Hey Trevor, It is very bold for you to confess this here, but I understand what you’re going through and I will be certain to pray for you regarding this. I wish I could offer some wisdom, but I’m in the throes of the same problem myself. Keep up your fantastic work, and God will provide the next opportunity in time. =)

  6. Anonymous

    My dear Trevor, are you bored? Be patient with yourself. God will complete the work He has started in you! It will all come together. Love, Mom

  7. Trevor,
    I am so thankful that you posted this. I am going through the same thing. This really gave me another way of looking at things that are going on. Thankyou thankyou thankyou.

    ps. I wanted to call you Cal at first.

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