Somewhat Going Out of My Mind

It’s 43 degrees Fahrenheit here in Puno, Peru.  Some of you in Ohio might be thinking, I would kill for that kind of weather… you really wouldn’t if you didn’t have central heating.  We don’t have central heating.  But, something that I always enjoyed about winter’s is being able to bundle up in several layers of clothing, though I may not be able to touch my sides with my arms without splitting some seams.  Just kidding, it’s not THAT cold, but I am debating on whether I should drink my second to last Starbucks VIA or save it.  Oh, the choices.  It’s so hard.

So, why am I going out of my mind?  Spiritual warfare is real.  That’s why.  Satan loves to play with my mind when it comes to relationships.  My partnership with Joel has been bumpy, to say the least, these past few weeks.  We are finding that it is harder for us to communicate than we had thought.  I don’t know if I should say “we,” it’s mostly me.  I’m so relationship driven… and to find that I’m not the perfect friend that I thought I was has been a painful realization.  Satan is trying to use my own strengths against me.

I was just talking to my friend Kristen this morning about something that Joel did yesterday that bothered me, and I had just talked with her last night also about something that we had discussed (Joel and I) that had turned into an argument of sorts and she told me… “you need to be more confident in Joel.”  It’s true.  And then Amanda told me that I tend to downplay his opinions or plans.  I make him look stupid.  I DO JUST THAT!!!!  I very often have the horrible perception that if we don’t see eye-to-eye on something I view him as badly educated… or stupid.  And a lot of times I find that I talk down to him.

For Pete’s sake… I never thought it would be this hard.  The time we went through school together, yea, I found that class work with him was hard to do together, but I guess I didn’t foresee how it would affect our work together on the field.

Please, pray for me and my perceptions, that my heart isn’t ugly.  I know I’ve talked about how I’ve discovered this leader inside me, it’s so new to me I don’t know how to handle him.  Pray that God will guide me and show me what kind of leader I need to be and how Joel and I can be leaders together.  I’ve heard one of the main reasons missionaries go home is caused by issues with other missionaries.

Also pray for Leonor and her husband.  She is a contact we have been discipling and her husband is an abusive alcoholic.  We are praying that God changes his heart and sees a change in her that will inspire him to look into what she has.


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