There has never been a time in my life as now, that I feel like I actually depend on God to get me through a day. Since Joel and I have been working together there are days I would like nothing more than to just go home. It’s hard work, this missions stuff. The hardest thing is actually working with my partner. There are days that we are just on two very different pages.
Yesterday, I was deep in a depression. I think that it was culture shock. At the time I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t want to. We had a visit with a girl in Ricardo Palma and for the first hour of our visit I just wanted to walk out the door and just go home, lock myself in my room and be alone.
Something that has been great for me lately is journaling all my prayers and what I’ve read in my devotions. So, in my homemade bound journal (something special like that makes this time more real for me) every morning I write. According to the Strengths Finder book I’ve been reading this is a good idea for me because I consider my ideas valuable. And this morning I had one of the most powerful personal times with God. Here’s a snippet from my entry:
“God, I pray that you help me to be like Paul who learned ‘in whatever state [he is in], to be content’ (Phil 4:11). I need to be content, Lord, where I aml. Come to me dear God and make me content in you. This culture nor my partner can make me happy. Give me your joy Lord, simply in knowing that you are my God and I’m doing what you want me to do. I think maybe a lot of why I’m depressed is because I’m thinking too much in France. That’s not for year now. I can enjoy learning a new language, but Lord, help me to stay focused.”
“God, I want you so badly to come to me and fill me with you… I just want you to reign in me! Strength with rise as I wait upon you! Psalm 40 is an inspiriation and a great prary I lift up to you God. I depend on you God for my strength. I wait patiently on you God to come to my rescue. To deliver me from my emotions. I trust in you O, God.”
I later read in Isaiah 40 how God never FAINTS! He is the perfect one to trust in. And he renews our strength, because without Him we will faint and we will grow weary. And you know, God was so faithful to me today. I’m back! The old Trevor. He is so good. I love Him.
So, that’s how I’ve been feeling the past few days. But, we have a praise. Tuesday we called Leonor’s cellphone and her niece answered. She said that Leonor was not there but, had to go to the hospital because her husband (Royer) had beat her up. Joel and I went to her house as quickly as we could to meet her when she came back from the hospital, but her husband answered the door. I was like… OH NO! But, Joel talked with him for a while and a minute later Leonor came to the door as well and we started talking about Jesus.
It started to rain so they invited us in their house. This was the first time this ever happened. Now, these two people do not speak very clearly and I didn’t understand a lot of what they were saying so, I had Joel explain a lot of this when we left. We believe that Leonor really wasn’t beat up. She had no marks or bruises on her face at all and walking around she had no evidence of a limp. She had gone to the hospital, but she said it was from a chronic pain. Royer started to tell us about this dream that he had about God. He said he was walking down the road and this hovering man with a white beard asked him was he was doing and then told him to go in this room where they were preaching about God. He also told us that he had decided this past week to quit drinking.
Joel, after talking with them a bit about Jesus, asked them if they wanted to accept Christ in their hearts and they said yes and prayed the sinner’s prayer. So, we have two new believers. At first, I was worried about them considering the pretenses, but God has given me several things to have faith in.
1.) If the niece had not said that her aunt had gone to the hospital because she was beaten up, rather than just ill and went to the doctor, I would have pushed to go to the post office to pick up my package. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the only days you can pick up international packages and it’s only in a one hour time slot. It’s a pain. But, I think God confused Leonor’s niece so we would go to their house and make this win for God.
2.) The fact that Royer decided just this past week to quit drinking just makes me think about how God has been preparing him for this.
3.) The dream… God has taught me that he does use dreams to speak to people. I think God has definitely been working on Royer.
What has me worried is we can’t see them until the 3rd of April. That’s a long time to go without seeing a new believer. This is when Satan will be trying to seed doubts. Please, please, please join me in prayer for Royer and Leonor, that they will stay excited and true to their decision.
One more thing. I don’t know if I’ve written this on here, but this will explain something mentioned in my journal entry above. I have always been in love with the French language. Lately, I was on a self-teaching French forum and found someone who said they tutored French for free. I contacted him and it turns out he is a immigrant from the Congo who now lives in California and is a Christian as well! So, he’s been helping me study French.
What’s so special about learning French? Since being here I’ve been questioning the “long-term” of missions. Am I meant to be full-time? I can remember when I was leaving the States one of the pastors at my church said they were praying that I’ll go full-time… I said, “I HOPE NOT!” But, my deep-set love of language has always been centered on French. I feel like God may be wanting me to go to France. I was talking to Kristen about this the other day and I told her I have to have at least a few years at home first! I MISS FATTY FAST FOOD!
I have to remember to stay focused on this work here. This is the now. France isn’t for a while now. But, I saw a video the other day and it made me think about how I should be praying for my future mission field as well as my current. I’ll link the video here for you.
Alright, so here’s your prayer list!
- Royer and Leonor, that they would stay strong in their decision
- My emotional state and that the Lord will strengthen me in Him
- General pray for health, everyone is starting to get a cold
- Joel and my relationship will continue to grow