Monthly Archives: April 2011

Good News/Bad News

I need to start taking pictures! That’s what I’m going to do today. Gee, Louie… I can’t believe that I’m not taking pictures! You guys have got to see what I’m doing and where I’m working. I’ve always felt a blog without any pictures is… lame!

There’s something I have to fill you in on.  Joel had to go home briefly, because his mother died.  His mother was of huge importance to him and to loose her was extremely difficult for him.  His father had left their family when he was young so his mother was essentially their mother and father.  To loose her was like loosing both at once.  It was intense.

So, about a week and a half ago he flew to Iquitos.  We don’t know if he is going to be able to come back, because he has two younger siblings that don’t have a way of making money and supporting themselves or supporting the debt that their mother left behind.

It was kind of eerie watching Joel pack up his stuff to go home.  I was thinking, I never thought this would be happening in our partnership.  But, now I’ve been working with Micah.  It’s actually been a necessary break for Joel and I.  We’ve been having constant partnership issues, and to go out and work with Micah as my temp-partner has been a huge learning experience for who I am in Joel and my relationship.

My prayer is that the Lord’s will be done… whether that be Joel comes back or he stays home to help his family.  I pray that with whatever happens I learn the lessons that God is placing before me to the fullest that He wants me to.  Romans 5:1-5 was what I read this morning and I flipped back a year ago in my journal and found where I had taken notes on this passage before.  It talks about how we rejoice in tribulations and how the lead to perseverance and perseverance to character and character to hope.  LOVE IT!  But, the interesting thing to me is how the necessity in our lives changes and how the significance of Biblical passages changes along with those needs throughout our lives.  The passage still means the same thing, but it means something different for me now.

I am glad for whatever God is doing in my life.  I am enjoying my work and discovering who I am in this partnership and what role I play.  I am a leader and I bring certain things to the table Joel cannot and instead of getting frustrated with him for not doing those things (which is what’s been happening) I need to step up and offer them myself.

Please pray for me throughout this situation.  I am growing tremendously right now and I know Satan is going to want to stunt this growth.  Pray that the Lord will speak to me through this time and will show me what He wants me to be.  Also, pray that I will have the courage to go out, just two gringos, and make more contacts by ourselves.  It’s kind of weird not having someone there to guide us on cultural grounds, but I’m learning that that is not necessarily essential.



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Spiritual Z’s

I am starting to feel tired.  It’s late.  Yuck, is it really?  It’s only 10:30 and I’m saying that it’s late.  I have changed so much since coming to Peru, and I don’t just mean spiritually, but also my habits.  This is a very good thing.  I going to bed earlier and getting up earlier.  I used to have such a hard time getting up at 6, but now I have a hard time sleeping past it!

The other morning I was sitting on the couch doing my devotions and Garren and Geremias were doing their devotions together and Garren asked him what he needed to do to improve his intimacy with God.  I wrote down the question for myself to answer later, and it wasn’t until now that I realized what it is.

I think about every post I write includes some kind of hardship that I’m dealing with concerning Joel.  It’s so hard.  We are constantly on a roller-coaster ride.  One moment we are buddies and the next there’s a barricade between us.  Our day can be totally ruined by one word uttered by the other.  That’s what it was for me today, just one word he said, “so.”  Someone had a parrot on their roof and it was talking in Spanish!  Of course it would be speaking in Spanish, but the things it was saying (get out, stop, shut up) I thought were hysterical.  Joel was listening to music on his headphones so I pulled one out of his ears and told him there was a parrot!  “So,” he said… it took me down, hard.

When I get upset I shut down.  I didn’t say a word the whole way home after that.  Sometimes, I don’t know why I feel a way that I do.  I’m glad I know that about myself now so walking home I was analyzing why I was so angry.  He, at one time, told me he wanted me to initiate conversations… “well, apparently when I do that,’ I’m thinking, ‘my conversation starter isn’t good enough for you.”  That’s how I felt.

I got home and I went straight for the prayer room.  It has a lock on the door and it just feels good to be in an empty room.  This is sometimes my refuge, my sanctuary, when I need to break down.  I cried, and pleaded to God for His strength and understanding.  In the middle of calling out to Him, He gave me an answer.

I realized that the problems that Joel and I have are rarely ever related directly to the work we are doing.  The way he answered me about that stupid parrot… yea I still think it was stinking rude, but it wasn’t related to anything else we were doing today.  It was Satan’s “in.”  He knows how emotionally raw I can be and it stuck me and hurt.  But, too often I let myself get in the way.  My emotions take the forefront and if something upsets me I feel like it has to be fixed, because if it isn’t I’ll get hurt again.  It’s good to be emotionally healthy and to communicate with a friend if they do something that hurts you, don’t get me wrong.  However, something I also realized today, and I knew this before but it just was really apparent to me today, is how it’s purely spiritual warfare.

Isaiah 40 has been a huge encouragement and inspiration for my daily prayers recently.  It talks about how God gives us strength and how He will rise us up on wings like eagles and how, yes, even the young will get tired, BUT GOD NEVER DOES!  My spiritual z’s come from God.  There are days that I wake up and don’t want to be here, but I know I’m putting myself first.  Those days I have to depend purely on God.  As He never grows weak I have nothing to worry about, because He will be there for me.  This is so cliche, but it’s not cliche for the person in which it’s an active truth.  I love my God and depending on Him thoroughly for my daily strength is how my intimacy with Him has grown.  He is my heavenly Father and He loves me and He provides for me.  He is my sugar pack for this bitter black coffee world.  Through Him I catch the rest I need.  Isn’t He great?!

Thank you all for praying.  It’s still very necessary.  Do not stop.  Please keep praying.

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