Monthly Archives: August 2011

I Am NOT Going Home

Vacation is over.  Who likes to say those words?  There is no one on Earth that likes to say those words.  Vacation was fun.  I got to spend time with friends and family and see people I haven’t seen in forever and got to rack my brain trying to think of what their names were.  Oops.

The hardest thing was coming back.  I can’t lie.  It has been the single most hardest thing to tell my friends and family goodbye for another year and come back to a country where I had found most things get underneath my skin.  Before I left the first time round, everyone told me what a sacrifice I was giving leaving my life behind for 2 years.  At that time I thought it was silly.  I was excited out of my mind to leave the U.S. and learn about a new culture.  Now, the silver sheen has tarnished and it’s not as exciting.  It was a TRUE sacrifice to leave home this time.

Let me just say, I am not happy about people telling anyone to “not go back.”  I am blessed to have friends and family behind me that will say, “keep on going!”  This is hard work, folks.  And to even hear of someone on my team being told to not come back… it doesn’t just affect the individual, it affects the whole team.  But, I’m saying it now.  I’m NOT going home.

When I was saying goodbye to my family I stopped over at my sister’s house, Holly’s.  I got to play a little bit with Gabby-doo and when I was leaving I told her I was going back to Peru and I wouldn’t see her for a long while.  Then she said, “I’ll miss you,’ and ‘I wish you didn’t have to work in Peru.”  She’s five… and that little girl broke my heart.  I was telling Nelson, my partner, about what she said and he laughed and said, “You should have told her  ‘Satan, get thee behind me!'”  But, HOW TRUE!  Reading in Ecclesisates, what is the main message.  Everything we do that is not God-centered is vanity.  I wanted so badly to stay home with little Gabby and my other nieces and nephews, but it was for selfish gain and only to appease the flesh.  It would be vanity if I stayed home.

I was talking to Kristen tonight, processing our day, when I thought about how much we were talking about going home.  We have only 11 months left.  We keep on saying that.  I told her in that moment.  We can’t be talking about going home anymore!  I can’t do that.  I will not be able to do that.

What I’ve been praying for is that God would give me some kind of sense of home here in Peru.  Give me something that would not seem so foreign.  Something I recently discovered about myself is, if I want to get in a certain mood or spirit about something, I have to put a little more work into it instead of just waiting for the feelings to come.  That’s how Christmas was for me this past year.  I had to make Christmas stockings to make it feel like Christmas.  Well, to make it feel like home, I made a lamp.  Sound silly?  I hate over head lighting, and I love reading by a lamp.  So, that’s what I did.  I made a lamp.  Something else I realized makes me feel more at home, spending more time alone.  That’s a hard one for me considering I live in a human farm.  There are people everywhere.  But, it’s something I need to do to keep myself sane.

So, there you have it.  I’m making the statement I was too scared to really say before.  I’m NOT going home.  I’m committing to this, not matter how hard it may get.  God has asked me to sacrifice my comfort and plans so, to heck with the rest.  I’m all in Lord!  To steal Kristen’s revelation, if Noah built the ark for 120 years… I’m pretty sure that I could spend 11 months in Peru.



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